Sexual Violence Stupid Top-ten List
I compiled a top-ten list of myths, stupid things and stupid questions people said to me after my disclosure. This will give you an example of why the public needs to be educated and why awareness urgently still needs to happen.
1. Were they native? Uh, no—they were not even human and what difference would that make.
2. At least they did not take anything. That is right, I lost my dignity, my spirit and my sense of the future but at least they did not take anything “valuable”.
3. Did it hurt? Why don’t you try having sex with sandpaper between your legs and then ask me that question.
4. You do not look any different… Um, am I supposed to get a tattoo proclaiming me a victim? There are scars on my soul that are indelible.
5. Why would you believe them when they threatened you if you contacted police? Yeah, these were “people” I should trust. They knew where I worked and had only forced horrible depravities upon me…no reason I would think they were capable of anything bad. Nonetheless, I did eventually report to the police. My police file remains open. Never apprehended my assailants are still unknown and unpunished.
6. What were you wearing; don’t you think that contributed to your attack? Certainly. It was after all almost dusk and the drab trench coat that I was wearing did show off my cast— sexy.
7. What did you do to provoke the attack? Excuse me? I was leaving work, had a cast on my leg and was an easy target that is it. I was not special; I was simply there and was vulnerable.
8. Well at least “that” will never happen to you again. Being assaulted once in no way protects me going into the future. Indeed 60% of survivors are victimized again and yet another statistic I lay claim to.
9. Am I sure I did not consent. Good one, after almost 16 (at that time *now 26+) years of monogamous marriage one night as I was leaving work I saw some rough looking men and thought—nope— that one does not even warrant a response.
10. You have to take responsibility. For what??? Being female—sexual assault happens to men as well. My age? Babies and senior citizens are targets too. My appearance. Yeah, my drab trench coat and that grey cast was sooo much of a turn on and nuns who are assaulted—damn their sexy habits.
Perpetrators are the only ones who must take responsibility. They choose to assault. It was late at night and you were alone. It was just turning dark on an early fall evening and I was simply leaving work. I did not deserve what happened to me—no survivors do.
Why do people still ask (accuse) a survivor of sexual violence what they did to deserve the crime but not a victim of a mugging?
End the silence on sexual violence — end sexual violence.
By Debra Ward
Professional Writer and Proud Survivor
Edmonton: I know you, love you and I am your ambassador! 