Posts Tagged sexual violence

Sexual Violence Stupid Top-ten List

Sexual Violence Stupid Top-ten List

I compiled a top-ten list of myths, stupid things and stupid questions people said to me after my disclosure. This will give you an example of why the public needs to be educated and why awareness urgently still needs to happen.

1. Were they native? Uh, no—they were not even human and what difference would that make.

2. At least they did not take anything. That is right, I lost my dignity, my spirit and my sense of the future but at least they did not take anything “valuable”.

3. Did it hurt? Why don’t you try having sex with sandpaper between your legs and then ask me that question.

4. You do not look any different… Um, am I supposed to get a tattoo proclaiming me a victim? There are scars on my soul that are indelible.

5. Why would you believe them when they threatened you if you contacted police? Yeah, these were “people” I should trust. They knew where I worked and had only forced horrible depravities upon me…no reason I would think they were capable of anything bad. Nonetheless, I did eventually report to the police. My police file remains open. Never apprehended my assailants are still unknown and unpunished.

6. What were you wearing; don’t you think that contributed to your attack? Certainly. It was after all almost dusk and the drab trench coat that I was wearing did show off my cast— sexy.

7. What did you do to provoke the attack? Excuse me? I was leaving work, had a cast on my leg and was an easy target that is it. I was not special; I was simply there and was vulnerable.

8. Well at least “that” will never happen to you again. Being assaulted once in no way protects me going into the future. Indeed 60% of survivors are victimized again and yet another statistic I lay claim to.

9. Am I sure I did not consent. Good one, after almost 16 (at that time *now 26+) years of monogamous marriage one night as I was leaving work I saw some rough looking men and thought—nope— that one does not even warrant a response.

10. You have to take responsibility. For what??? Being female—sexual assault happens to men as well. My age? Babies and senior citizens are targets too. My appearance. Yeah, my drab trench coat and that grey cast was sooo much of a turn on and nuns who are assaulted—damn their sexy habits.

Perpetrators are the only ones who must take responsibility. They choose to assault. It was late at night and you were alone. It was just turning dark on an early fall evening and I was simply leaving work. I did not deserve what happened to me—no survivors do.

Why do people still ask (accuse) a survivor of sexual violence what they did to deserve the crime but not a victim of a mugging?

End the silence on sexual violence — end sexual violence.

By Debra Ward

Professional Writer and Proud Survivor


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You bet I have an opinion!

You bet I have an opinion!

I do not make New Year’s resolutions because I try to live my life in the most honest and open-minded way I know how to already.

However, I do have well-formed opinions on many matters. Moreover, I do not know if it is because I am female (although I suspect that is a big part of it), I seldom outside of family and close friends express them. Hate to offend anyone and frankly hate the backlash that seems to be inevitable from some.

Well, I am going to work very hard on that this year.

My opinions come from: diverse experiences (both good and bad); varied work experiences and careers; travelling all over the world and being immersed in other cultures; my love of listening to others; being extremely well read and well-educated; and, from my insatiable desire for learning and bearing witness to ALL this great world has to offer.

I am going to express my hard earned opines notably on matters where silence has historically been used as a weapon.

Matters like violence, particularly sexual violence.

Political, governance and other controversial matters like the dearth of equitable representation.

Discrimination matters against anyone for any reason.

Matter that relate to this wonderful city, Edmonton,  I have been proud to call home for over 25 years!

Gender issues, primarily female matters because I am proud to be one and accept the responsibility that entails.

Do not like what I write about? Tell me! However, you have to tell me why. No, “I don’t agree, you are stupid or wrong, you suck.” Give me an explanation, your reasons. Who knows I might even change my opinion.

As long as we have a respectful dialogue I acknowledge that there will times, the best outcome is only going to be to “agree to disagree” and that is okay with me.

In addition, hey, if per chance you do like or agree with what I write about I would love to hear that too!

Yes, 2010 is going to be a –year!

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